FREEDOM OF INFORMATION:

 FREEDOM OF INFORMATION:

A Bridge towards the Real Tuwid na Daan

We all need is your honesty.

             We all need is your integrity.

                          We all need is your transparency.

                                         We need is Freedom of Information Bill.

Is it hard to be passed?

This Logo is from the PCIJ Blog.
http://pcij.org/blog/2012/08/14/media-observe-foi-day-release-pooled-editorial

27 years since the first bill regarding Freedom of Information has been filed in Congress, but up to now, Philippines still doesn't have an absolute and statutory access to the government information in a very easy way. Yet, after many years of waiting, the executive branch will now have the authority to scrutinize the broader right that will be given to the Filipino citizens, sadly saying, the Bill is still sleeping inside the President’s Palace.

Many of the press people and also with the ordinary citizens still remember PNoy’s promise regarding the FOI which this is one of his priority bills if he will grab the 2010 Presidential Election sit. Nonetheless, our President is only using the said bill as his ace card to get the attention of the people believing for brighter, transparent government. We’re hoping, he’s not doing so.

The Philippines is still in gloom just observing the 15^th administration of the sagging republic the way it started. The FOI Bill is still in the mid-line of Noynoy’s checklist. It is evident that from his very first State of the Nation Address (SONA) that focuses only to the anomalies of the past president up to his fifth SONA last July 28 of this year, the Freedom of Information Bill is still unmentioned by our dear President. This big-deal issue made the Filipino to be disappointed again.

Meanwhile, in this aspect of governance and lawmaking responsibility, our country is on the pedestal of shame as stated by the Center for Media and Responsibility (CMFR) because of its very slow response to the information need of the people, also to the context of the global surge for FOI Laws. In fact, there are 80 countries around the world – 19 in Asia – which have nationwide laws that recognize the right to information and access to public records. And the Filipinos is now tired for waiting the reachable dream for media practices.

                Let’s come to our senses that Freedom of Information should be passed now.

FOI: Subjectivity up to Objectivity

                Laws nowadays have been a big hindrance in presenting out the essence of democracy in our country. It is quite an irony to see that a country that have been worth-dying-for before in achieving its ideological liberty is now creating a cross-purposes with the democratic values, in order for the people to impede their power in nation-building.

                Reality check: this part is being evident for Freedom of Information as an important law to be subject in this country.

                FOI gives meaning to the nature of a Filipino people in making them as the real Boss within the story of the Philippines, especially in making their way to the Tuwid na Daan. Subject to the lawmaking body, they once said that the government should be transparent and accountable, and also they should simply put with their public service the virtues of honesty and integrity, and this FOI is the key to seek the former so-called unreachable dream – being trust by their own citizens. To gain it, the government shall mantle their culture of secrecy and people can easily render the wrongdoing happen beneath the tables of their own offices.

                Objectively speaking, based on the Section 2 of the Republic Act 3237, it declares FOI as a policy in providing a right for the people to the information on matters of public concern, and also to adopts and implements a policy of full public disclosure of all its transactions involving public interest, subject to the producers and limitations provided.

                In its scrutiny, the access to information of the public is our right if ever the FOI will be officially implemented. The public can certainly request information from the government agencies in which the said Act can give a statutory stands to study, copying and reproduction. It may be clearly a stepping stone for the citizen to see the cruelty in the government, and also, it can make the people be part fully in the nation-building. 

                 Hence, the limitations to what the public can be subjected to use was keen and observable in the bill proposed and signed by the congress and senators. 

History demands for FOI

                In the history of the Philippines, Media has made a great impact in achieving the independence that all of us has been experiencing right now. From the Spanish era up to the fall of Martial Law and up to now wherein press society is undying as  being in-demand  platform for pursuing the interest of the people. Yet, one of the media’s two biggest dreams – the Freedom of Information – is still in process.

                Almost seven decades ago, in the United Nations General Assembly, they have approved the Resolution 59(I) which written accordingly, that “Freedom of Information is a fundamental human right and is the touchstone of all the freedoms to which the UN is consecrated.” It really shows that the FOI is a criterion as a pillar for a nation to be established first before any autonomy of the people, or of the state be recognized.

                However, it is good that legally, Freedom of Information is acclaimed in the Philippines. Since 1987, the established Philippine Constitution that we are using is a good proof that government should supply the needs for information of the people, their right to access and as basis for policy development is always protected as stated by the Article III, Bill of Rights, Section 7.

Also, in time of former President Fidel V. Ramos, there is an Executive Order No. 89 s. 1993 which directs the implementation of a policy of accessibility and transparency in government wherein it gives vitality to the certain laws associated in the republic.

                Thus far, history demands the completion of Freedom of Information, specifically in the performance of a legislative outline.

                Why? The reason is to orderly facilitate the right to know of the citizens. Also, to provide systematic method in access of the public to information and to punish those government institutions that violates the right.

                Filipinos, particularly the media practitioners up to now are longing to achieve the dream of right to information. The old feeling of desire to achieve the historical-bounded law is a worth demanding for.

FOI as an Anti-corruption device

                The race of Freedom of Information is nearly to go in its goal of devolving as a bona fide act and as a lawful anti-corruption device.

                Many years in accordance to the political and economical history of the country, corruption is always the turning point of some of the politicians holding their positions from the national to local government. This issue may bound Filipino to poverty and declination of various societal ratings like employment rate, literacy rate, life expectancy rate and health expenditure rate, as well as the halt in providing the needs -  the food supply, national security and infrastructures.

                Firstly, the past celebrated issue of corruption in our country that has been resolved was the Pork Barrel Scam which many of the legislative people were accused to be a corrupt politician after putting the money for the NGOs in their own wallet. The 10 billion-scam queened by Janette Lim-Napoles made people to step forward by participating in the broad petition and assembly of Filipino people in seeking the justice for the taxes they have trustfully given for the government.

                Also, the latest issue of the suspected-corrupt project of the Noynoy administration is the Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP) which many falling and hoping people can’t see the acceleration happened in the programs it undergoes.   The other parts of the DAP project was once to be unconstitutional by the Supreme Court and make those administration fanatics to be quite refuse their trust to our President.  Many of us think ‘Sino nga ba ang DAPat Managot?’ ‘Meron nga bang  DAPat managot?’ And this make PNoy decides to amend the constitution a poorer power to the Judiciary in contrast to the well-constructed supremacy of the Legislative and, of course, of the Executive.

                Nevertheless, FOI will be a good solution to cure the misinterpretation and misconduct of the Executive and Legislative in making their corrupt steps to be a kind of crusade-like walk in the promised way Tuwid na Daan.

                In pursuit of public demand, freedom of information should be on the plinth of its authority to commence a higher degree of transparency, accountability and can give people a broader power in participating the government’s will for reformation as stated to be an integral element of Aquino Governance and Anti-Corruption Plan.

                Freedom of Information can give positivity in Philippine Governance.

Does FOI is Noynoy’s Last Itinerary?

                Constructing Pnoy’s Tuwid na Daan for our country is not as easy as how we are bridging land through cement and metals. Every phase and every step of the edifice of the right way should have an intense planning for the proper creation of the path. However, in each segment and period, hindrances and problems may be encountered as an obstacle that Philippines should be passed thru.

                 Aquino’s administration is demonstrating a huge magnitude of planning in every bill, program, and work in our country, yet, FOI Bill is in a ‘dribble and dribble’ face.

                In PNoys’ election campaign, one of his victorious cards is the Freedom of Information, and until now, the bill is unobservable to be his priority bill to be passed. His vow to the said bill is that he will going to pass the FOI as soon as possible. And now, he only just assured us that he will give the spotlight to FOI in the end of his term. Though, our President and his co-alliances are not opposing the Freedom of Information, he has not seen the bill as a governmental asset that our law needs to certify it as urgent.

                The idea of thinking the essence of Tuwid na daan as a pathway towards the glory of our country has its own detours and alternative ways, where the ideas of those in the position is taking it as a passageway to make their personal goals be hid. The only way to block those different routes is by putting FOI in the podium of prime and power. Despondently, FOI is Noynoy’s one of his last itineraries in the tour of his six years administration.

                This may prove, that his service of creating Tuwid na Daan has a purpose that all of us don’t know.

P.S Salamat sa mga Pinagkuhaan ko ng Facts:

CMFR, mga News Articles all-over the cyberworld at sa government issued data na matatagpuan din sa google. Gayundin sa PCIJ para sa logo for FOI! Maraming Salamat po. Wag po sana kayong magalit sa akin :D

Julius Caesar of Felix

Personality Sketch

Julius Caesar of Felix

He came. He saw. He conquered.

           

            “He came. He saw. He conquered.”

            In front of many expectators and many believers he stands still with dignity and pride in the soil of Earth without uplifting his own proficiency and achievements in life against the other people around him. A young boy with an old dream to see his motherland to be in progress incorporates him to some opportunities that will measure his skills in which it may give him chances to get in touch with more surprising things in the future.

            Charles Dean S. Almodovar is a Third Year student of Francisco P. Felix Memorial National High School which is one of the learners who can be considered as ‘Jacks of all trades, Master of all’. At the same time his small, tiny body with a large heart to help everyone who is in need makes him more special to the eyes of the others in spite of the limelight dominating his own stage of stardom in academic attainment.

            Almodovar’s capability to obtain all the flashing lights of breaks and chances made everyone praise him in something more than he expects to have in his hands. Blessing from God, support from his family, appraisal from his friends and proudness from his mentors make him considered as a new Julius Caesar of his own beloved school.

           

He Came.  

            Almost four years ago, he graduated with flying colors at his primary years of education at San Juan Elementary School in Cainta, Rizal. With his simple achievement in hand, he made it as his foundation to gain more as he entered the new chapter of his life – the High School.

            He came at Francisco P. Felix Memorial National High School as a normal student who wanted to learn and to experience more for his dream to be a lawyer someday. 

            As he entered the gates of JICA Annex, his round face with big eyes and nose makes his appearance more appealing to others as he hopes to stand as an active student of his class since then.

            His teachers were very surprise to see such students like him that was capable to be the next pride of his own school. Every class discussion, each raise of the Moreno’s hand for recitation can craft him to be renowned for the first day of the class. At the same time, his knowledge makes him more comprehensive to score a highest grade for his first year in school.

            It may be quite surprising, that a child that looks like to be a ‘patay na bata’ can be permissibly considered as ‘Bibo Kid’ of the pilot section. However, his being Bibo Kid made him to be treated by the others as persona non grata of the class.

            “Maski gusto ko man sumama at makihalubilo sa kanilang lahat, mahirap kasi iba yung tingin nila sa akin. Bibo kid daw ako, GC [Grade Concious], teacher’s pet. Pero ayos lang sa akin yun.” Charles said in his sad tone of expression.

            Despite of the ratings he received from his classmates or even schoolmates, he still continued to study together with the person he knows to be loyal and trusted in the section he belonged to, persons who can be considered as his friend, companion and comrade.

He Saw.  

            As time passed by to him as student, he persists to attain more achievement he can have in his hands for the development of him as an individual.

            Since then, he recorded to be one of the top three students of the pilot section of each batch he always to be with. Every quarter since first year up to now in third year, he is always been an expected name to be given a medal for the top students of his batch. All the teachers see Charles, as a very industrious and wise student in class in which he is not forgetting the golden rule: TO RESPECT TEACHERS AT ALL TIMES.

            “Ay grabe si Charles, halos pinag-aagawan na siya ng lahat ng teachers para sumali sa contest,” a teacher from FPFMNHS said in expressing his proud feelings to Almodovar.

            Also, Almodovar, 17 years old, was one of the loyal staffers of the ‘Ang Maglalatik’ since first year. Since then, he was always intended to be a participant for Division School Press Conference in which he brought the name of his school for the category of ‘Pagsulat ng Editoryal” that he has been an awarded campus journalist of Rizal.  That’s why, he was also been considered as a ‘Presscon Baby’ and one of the trusted buddies in creating a newspaper.

            In addition, he can be seen to many Quiz Bees and Competitions such as for Araling Panlipunan quiz bee, Mathalino Challenge, Oratorical Speech and other more inside or outside the school premises in which he is always the one who can bring the bacon for his batch or for his school. One of the most special Quiz bees he joined was the Philippine History Quiz Bee where he finally rode in an airplane for the first time going to Ilo-ilo Province to represent the whole Region IV-A CALABARZON, but sadly saying, he did not grab the bacon for his region.

            Meanwhile, his leadership cannot be downgraded because of his much systematized way as an officer of different organizations. His influensive and prominent voice that can move people into action is one of his fundamentals to gain the trust of all the people and teachers to his works which can be said as successful one that can be proved by everyone who is being constituent of him.

He Conquered.  

            Now, he is turning to be fourth year, he is now already conquering the school as one of the pride of Felix especially as he has been part of many competition, organization and affiliation since then.

            This coming school year, Almodovar’s proximity to all the students come more to its extent as he won the Supreme Student Government Presidential Seat by the trust from his co-students in the school. That way, he is already the champion of his own batch.

            Meanwhile, he is one of the representatives of the Philippines to go in Malaysia for such convention and seminar. And it is very prideful for everyone who really knows him so much and for the FPFMNHS Community that a simple boy then is now achieving higher degree of opportunities.

            “Naniniwala ako sa sinabi ni Kuya Alfonz (former SSG President S.Y. 2012-2013) na wala pa dito ang tunay na kompetisyon, nasa college,” Almodovar mentioned his new principle in his life.

            In believing that high school life is just a training ground for more opportunities to come for him, he is proving that his maturity towards things and life’s scenarios are just a preparation for the real challenge he may encounter in the near future, challenges that he may conquer afterwards.

            Yes, ‘he conquered’ is not yet to be considered for him right now because he is not yet graduated from the school, but still, many people is always believing that he can be considered as one of the greatest student of his school, someone that can be reflected as a pride of the new Felix and someone that can be prefer as a hero for everyone who knows him so much.

Renaissance of Young Journalist in the Age of Today

As Shakespeare, Castiglione and Alighieri’s Gold turns Diamond

              He lives and he knows how to kick his own self-concept. He craft a written plenary to defend traditional media. He proves mathematics will not kill writers. He makes love letter to his beloved U.  And, he made articles beyond his own low-class standard.

            Young journalist in this age proves to revive the golden period of the Renaissance era by crafting written legacy to its people even though he is climbing invisibly to the matters of his works – known to be objective.

            But, this is the moment to share a glimpse of the rebirth of the newest William Shakespeare, Baldassare Castiglione and Dante Alighieri’s golden legacy of poems, playwright and novels to turn this to the significant journalistic articles that can move people into action firmly.

His Writing History Starts not like Pinpin

            Almost 15 years ago, people always ask me the most cliché question of all to children aside from name, age and location: Anong gusto mong maging? (What is your ambition in life?). But as a child, I always say “I want to be a teacher, because I want to teach children.”

            Well my dream can be achievable by the profession I got today – to be a journalist – but I guess, that dream will be just to be set aside from now on.

             It is not very common to see to someone like me that I wanted to be a journalist when I was just a simple child with simple dream and simple knowledge about the world. I always wanted to play around, to socialize and to live in an easy way I can which is not considerable factor to the profession I am going to be, but now I’m going into it.

            As time passed by, as a child, I tried to believe in my own capability but each of my stepping stone to writing was slowly crashing in front of me. People downgraded me in my way of how I write in a piece of paper because of my ugly way of handwriting. Even in printed way or in cursive way, people can’t find any understanding pattern of words in my papers.

            When I was in second grade, my teacher always ask us to write a friendly letter to someone, then as I passed my paper, my teacher didn't bother to finish reading it but my seatmate, now a student of Mechanical Engineering, always received appraisal from Ma’am (insert name here). Everyday of my life in writing letters as a seatwork for us, I am slowly disappointed to the comments I am receiving.

            Despite of that, I still pursue my life in the ink of dirty handwriting until the day when my grade four teacher asked me to write legibly in the Writing Notebook for the Writing Subject in which every day we are writing letters from A to Z in an hour with different words which starts from the given letter for that day consecutively.

            I started to learn how to put my own style in my own font style cursively which made my teacher proud of me. In the same year, we are doing some communication essays which make me bolder to write it all proudly because I am rest assured that my articles have been read due to the appreciation of my teachers in what I am writing.

            Long journey comes in my way, when I started to join the school publication of our elementary school, “Ang Parola”. I am one of the students gratified to be the staffer and to put my name inside the news organ circulated in the whole school.

            But sometimes, as I imagine myself receiving awards to the District School Press Conference, it turned worse as imagination created conflict against the reality of life. The conference turned me to be the most loser among all my classmates who joined the said contest because I only got an award which is the lowest, the Tenth Place for Pagsulat ng Balitang Isports.

            Again, despite of the reality of a very pen-breaking moment of my life, I started to dream that I wanted to be the Editor-in-chief of the school I’ll be studying in for my Secondary years.

              That time, when I started to put my feet on the floor of the school, the presence released by the newspaper is go beyond the radar of my ink as it is very hard to be a staffer of the Rizal’s Division Leader school. 

            I went to thrice rejection in the try-out provided by the organization which make me sad, especially when my classmate who didn't even knew how to write creatively before came to be the first staffer against me.

            But still, I continue my dream to be the EIC and I’ve got to be the staffer when I was in Third Year high school.

            It made my heart to beat faster in the profession I’m going to be. In this time, I am now achieving something worth it which can change my dream and my knowledge about the world to be an extra-ordinary vision about my one’s self.

When Achievement Touches my Skin

                This is the time when I focused myself to something worth studying for. The time when I know what should be my priority for my extra-curricular activity and a priority to be involved within the core of myself.

            I remembered, when I was in third year, journalism profession for Philippine campuses taught me one of my very special talents – to draw an editorial cartoon. That year, I am surprised that I can drew something more than I can without any coloring materials to make my work fancy at the same time with only just having few numbers of characters to cap it all.

            I commit to memory the session given to us by Rene Aranda (The Philippine Star Chief Cartoonist ata?) he said “Editorial Cartooning is the hardest category of all, because in Editorial Writing you are using 250 words but in cartoon only three characters to explain the whole topic.”

            It made me inspired to draw better for the Division School Press Conference and proved myself that I can achieve something more than anyone else. That year, I achieved 7^th place despite of the talent of cartooning I had in my hands.

            That year, I am only the Filipino Writer in Junior’s Batch who qualified for the Regional Schools Press Conference in Lucena City. Also, I knew that this is also my passenger’s ticket to be the Editor-in-chief of “Ang Maglalatik” for the next school year.

            As my torch of life started to spark for Fourth Year High School (Senior Year), I achieved the title as the EIC of the aforementioned news organ, and that year I achieved my primary dream since the beginning of my High School life in which I told myself, “It’s a dream come true. LOL!”

            But despite of achieving that, I lose in the DSPC without winning anything for myself as an individual campus journalist. That cause me of a thousand of sadness brought into my life, I thought my moment in journalism and my built stardom is being breaking and wrecking through the loses I've made in that competition.

            That happening made me disappointed that for the last time and the last year as a campus journalist that I’m not qualified to join in the RSPC, but of course as EIC of the school publication, I needed to do my work to show them that I am capable enough to still do a work as my own priority.

            But still, God is very good and put me in the special category offered in RSPC. I joined the team for Collaborative Publishing which the goal is to create a four-page publication.

            I stood as the leader or the EIC of the “Ang CALABARZON” the official publication of our Division for the category given. We trained ourselves conductively and properly without forgetting the leisure time and getting-to-know-each-other moments to bond our ties better as a team for competition.

            In the awarding moment, we were surprised that we won first place and achieve the infamous gold medal that can give us the chances to go in Ormoc City for the 2013 National Schools Press Conference.

            I told myself, “Hindi ko sasayangin ang pagkakataong ito, kailangan naming manalo.”

            As I follow the pattern of trying harder than expected, we got the seventh place around the Philippines and made myself stay in the place for telling myself: Ayos na, nanalo na kami.

            At that moment, I considered it as a once in a lifetime achievement that I can never achieve again as I go up in College degree. Winning in the campus journalism made me realize that somehow as a simple person, I have a potential in journalism profession.

            As I graduated from my high school days, I am glad to be recognized as Journalist of the Year of our school that brought me to the Cloud 9 of inspiration to still write and write and another write. I guess this is quite redundant, but I believe that as a journalist, we need to write more than our aptitude’s expectation.

Journey for the Lifetime

            My family, relatives and friends did not expect that I’ll get a course such as this journalism courses that was known for being a low-salary work for the future. But as time passed by, they are slowly accepting the fact that I got this course because this is my passion in life.

            I don’t even know how my feet turned towards journalism when the time that all I know is I’ll forgot and I will leave this profession of being a journalist in my high school as a memory to be remembered only. But, I guess, even that principle whispered in my soul to get this course like this.

            As I am now in this University which I am celebrating my demands for knowledge about this kind of profession, I am smoothly learning the process but as the same time I am receiving the demands of time and effort in creating reportage especially if the worth is very valuable to fuel my capability in creating such write-ups that will be my foundation for the real world.

            It is very nice to see know that my professor for Communication subjects and for Journalism subjects sustains and keeps us to see the fundamentals of all the knowledge we will receive in the future.

            I can’t forget the time when my professor for Introduction to Journalism told us to have an interview to some college dean, department chairperson or to some faculty members of a specific program offered by PUP. Then as me and my partner in that activity are doing the interview, I felt the real essence and happiness in doing such activity as a journalist who have been given a period to beat a deadline.

            But as time turns by, sometimes we felt that in the road of success and happiness, we are intend to take detours because of the roadblocks that may put us in too much problem to what we are doing especially in times of celebrating another peak of achievement we’ve got in life.

            I can’t forget the Facebook status of my friend saying, “parang lahat ng pinangarap ko nawala. naguguluhan na ako sa course ko, parang di na ako masaya. sumusulat nalang ako kasi required, hindi kasi gusto at mahal ko talaga ang pagsusulat.” This is because of the thousand tons of paperworks we needed to write and to pass without assurance that there is someone who are willing to read it even once.

            That line really strikes my loyalty to the course I’m studying in. Sometimes, things enter in my mind keeping their voices loud to let me hear the prejudice way of forgetting a year as journalist and try to shift to other course which is better track for me than this. Also, it turns me to the way just like my friend is also stating, that my passion for journalism slowly descending in my soul, in a sense that I should be objective enough to do such requirements and do not put feelings and passion to all my writings: JUST WRITE WHAT ARE REALLY NEEDED TO WRITE is the memo pad of all things in the bottom line.

            Somehow, those things made me feel disappointed in my life, that the love for writing does not even the highlight why I am studying in, but because of the goal to finish my study with a higher grade I can achieve.

            But regardless of all the academic requirements, the endpoint of my own way of avoiding redemption for love and passion is my own way of writing. As a person with too much standard in looking to an article as pretty one, these criteria doesn't even fulfilled by my own articles created. In simple term, I am not satisfied to the best as I can.

            Leaving in an environment where all the people have their own style of writing and own journey to walk on makes me curious about the question, “Magaling ba talaga ako?” and the answer I am receiving, “Magaling naman ako, sadyang mas magaling lang sila.”

            As I look forward to that reality, I am not been motivated to write better but I’m only just being envious that’s why I am writing for my own enhancement.

            But as I soul-searched myself, do I really have the guts to write?

            I think being a journalist is not only just a profession, an occupation nor even a passion for something but it is a vocation for the betterment of one’s self and of the others. People with a higher fame of stardom today in literary or journalism profession also tend to have time to revise their works for the better, to crumple their papers for the greater, and to be disappointed to what they are doing.

            In the end, to breakdown in a journey for the lifetime is just a normal experience that anyone could have. Maybe, it is only just a part of the renaissance of a greater young journalist in the future who can make the gold age into diamond one.

Lorenzo: Living and Kicking @ 17 (Self-Concept)

            “I was once weak, I was always afraid, I hidden [hid] my tears, but I kept on going, I kept on believing, I followed my heart, I found my courage, and I realized if I hadn't believed in myself, then I wouldn't have become the person I am today” – Erza Scarlet, Fairy Tail anime.

            Everything in this world goes to some sort of changes, changes that may help people to improve their own life or to let their existence to be just a trivial of its own nature. I have experienced things that made me strong and believed in my own perspectives. Also, incidence wherein I breakdown and just looked upon the sky and told myself ‘why?’

            Many people told me that my boldness is always go beyond my limitation and sometimes destroys boundaries of others emotion, but, they don’t even know my story before.

            Way back those times when the sword of my life is in the flame of blacksmith’s hands,  I am also been a victim of a mediocrity bullying that the only way to survive from having fallen out is to put myself under the limelight and above the stardom. The ambitious way to go there is to achieve things beyond on what they can achieve.

            Now, the former intimidated and frightened child already knows how to fight and to surpass others in a way I can. I already learn how to impair others feelings. I already find out how to defend myself from the deteriorating strikes of the people and environment around me. Because, in this generation, I believe that survival of the fittest is still finest.

     It is not bad to exchange blows in what we believe and what we want to be if pride really matters as long as we know what are the pros and cons of what we are fighting for.

            However, despite of its having revengeful tone to endure, revenge is not my primary way to be the person as whom I am today. It is more of being proud to garner the pleasure that I am holding and lingering to every aspects of my verve. And also, to let myself accept the concept of being part of the society of people who only know how to be strong enough, those who have pride in their selves. Pride and pleasure are also significant to one’s life.

            In any aspects of life, my pride will always stays right inside of me in a way that whatever my decisions in life goes through I know that this part will hold and guide me. It will always be part of my principles that whoever try to downgrade it, I’ll always fight for it.

            It is not bad to exchange blows in what we believe and what we want to be if pride really matters as long as we know what are the pros and cons of what we are fighting for. I will not be a person of who I am today if the pride that I am carrying now isn’t been gained from my childhood experiences – whether it is a success or it is a failure.

            But still, I am a child, a friend, a son and a person who still need and still want to experience the three most important things in life – faith, hope and love – without the essence of my pride, my impermanent pleasure and my own boldness in heart. Experiencing those importance, it will always stay to be the most relevant dream in the world in order to achieve the reality of happiness that a simple person like me wanted to become the person of it for tomorrow.

            Although I know that decision sometimes is the hardest to make, especially when it’s a choice between the paths of pride without happiness or of happiness that will perish pride. I think in my 17 years of living and kicking as Lorenzo, I think I need more years and decades of living and kicking to find the right way of my life’s own concept.

Written Plenary: In Defense to Inoffensive Media

Written Plenary: In Defense to Inoffensive Media

When reading, watching, listening and speaking are not just fundamentals

                I was no more just believing in the basic way of living in the world I was born with. These past few years of pure existence of social media have become more comprehensive and more easy-going way to uplift curiosity among us but still, the traditional media can still level up reading, watching, listening and speaking from its fundamental ranking. 

                When I was young and learn how to move my five senses, the basic commodity of media to juvenile audiences is the happiness brought by television and story-telling of comics strips given by our loving parents. These aforementioned platforms nowadays can only be just a caption to hashtag throwback Thursday. Because currently saying, even two-year-old child can even move not only his five senses but also his clickable mouse at their computer table. 

                I still remember those days when I used to place my ears on the radio and waiting to discuss the erroneous and devastated incidents brought by super typhoon Yolanda, my friend told me, “Unang tumama pala yung mata ng bagyo sa Ormoc City, sabi ditto sa facebook” And in full surprise, the announcer said, “Naglandfall na po ang mata ng bagyong Yolanda sa isla ng Guiuan. . .”

                Then I told myself “Techy. Really?”

REGRETS IN RADIO'S RAVAGE

                As time passes by, radio industry is little by little falling into ravage, wherein, only my grandpa and grandma are the only expected avid audiences of each stuttering and chopping sounds from its flies-eyes-like stereo speakers

                The one-way radio signal bringing only news, commentaries, pieces of love advice and musics makes my ears patient enough to hear those more worth it information than those noise without meaning. Radio's released information is still significant in the living of people in our tropical country.

                Many people says, "Anong kalokohan at nakikinig ka pa sa radyong iyan?" Nowadays people primary shoutouts regarding their choppy analog radio is that this platform is now dropping its antenna to ravage. Think again, Please!

                 Many experts think for some cooler but not so exaggerated way to prevent the lost of their job by putting radio station into a radio with camera station or also known as "Teleradyo" where the broadcasters can be seen their faces on TV or in livestreams. This is their improvement from the past approach of to speak on their microphone wearing just a shorts and a simple kamiseta without powder on faces.

                But sadly saying, radio is no more a part of human habit at all. But still, radio is the primary standard material used in time of calamities. This is why radio, shouldbe regretful if vanisged in the air of popularity. Whether two-way or one-way or even how many ways of radio is being lost in the limelight, the quality of broadcasting media as an institution if all platfoms can be very indeed fall of the inoffensive media.

Creating A New(s) world

                It is also the time, when pareng Broadsheet and mareng Tabloid lost their attractiveness to the world of stereotyping people. Without a doubt, in a minute of schemes and scans on their facebook statuses and twitter updates, news on world can be read as long as your connection is ongoing.

                This matter can make a sort of realization that news is not only just for those who have the capability to pay P20 for a broadsheet and P10 for a tabloid. News all over the globe is not a privilege but a right to be gained easily and simply as is. Without wearing a so-geek eyeglasses and putting your eyeballs to the gray pages of the newspaper, news can be a handy tool to fight uniformativeness.

                But sadly saying, creating this new world is also the existence of a news world but not in a 12’’x 18’’ paper.

                However, in a manner of thinking the credibility among those posted and shared by not so-trusted friends in the new news world we can probably say that the lost of traditional newspaper is still not on today’s trending topic.

                I try to ask myself, how many times did Jackie Chan, Rowan Atkinson and even Spongebob die in the social media? No one knows, because until now, these famous personalities are still alive and kicking on someone’s body who posted the unreasonable rumors. (just Kidding!)

TELEVISION IS A DREAM COME TRUE

          Nine out of 10 Filipino people is one's dream to be seen under the limelight of television show. Whether it is on ambitious stage of some variety shows, unrealistic telefantasya and teleserye, and most especially to the unbiased and unstoppable current affairs shows' personality.

                As an aspiring media personality, our dream is to wear a leather suit and classy necktie facing the camera and start speaking as an anchor in a very famous mainstream news program.

                Sadly saying, only few can be the star of the new generation.

            Television is a very prominent and significant medium in transforming people and society into a productive one. It may be performed through normal news reporting or even presenting a documentary and investigative journalism created by neurons from brains, blood from heart and sweat from hardships.

             This platform is the most popular platform of this generation, where all the people from no age up to full of age is always wanting to put their all senses in a virtual box presenting a 2D to 3D or how may 'D' of people showcasing their talents and face value.

                To be in television industry, requires a very powerful personality that can make defense to the inoffensive media like this. And that thing, make television a dream come true role in life.

               

               

Advertising is not only a Noun

                Advertising nowadays is still the old way meaning of an activity of promoting products and services in manner of print or broadcast, but advertising is not only just a name for activity to but also an action word that should promote an advocacy to make people into action.

                This platform is one of the most powerful medium to showcase a quality and prime-class affection and aspiration to whoever can see the way it is done in just 30-second to a-minute commercial can formulate them realize the reality of it. The strikes and attacks to those who can afford to understand can make their heart pounds and can make their mouth say ‘Aaahhh! So inspiring.’

                Advertising in a right time and in a right place can really move people to action especially if it was done with a content of family-oriented or inspirational pattern, a campaign advocacy and even if it was like a reality contest that whoever wins can have a chance to meet-and-greet and to take a selfie with her favorite stars.

                However, if it was put in a wrong place, in a wrong time and in a wrong number of minutes, this can build something suffocating. Like some commercial movie such as the infamous and most-critique 2013 Metro Manila Film Festival Movies (COME ON. Do the sabong panlaba, gamut sa ubo, toyo at suka are the protagonists of the film?)

                We can definitely say that commercials are more expensive than a television program that’s why people have no rights to tell them what to do, because it was been planned to make it perfect and communicative to other. But that kind of thinking make the essence of advertising such a low-budgetary IQ to be crafted for more intellectual people like M.E. (Man of Experience).

                In the end, advertisement with a cause and it’s capability to relate in public should be the priority allotment to level up the ranking of certain out-of-the-box ideas inside the bounded box.

IN DEFENSE TO NOT SO OFFENSIVE

                This is the time when all of us can give a helping hand to promote and to protect the industry of media from the vanishment of its limelight.

                Media is not only just a profession nor occupation but also a vocation to our society in giving the gist of all the issues needed to be emphasized.

                Media has a great power to make watching, listening, reading and speaking to be not just a simple macro-skills but can make it to be levelled up to let all realize the micro-capabilities of the inoffensive media. 

Sinta Hanggang Dapit Hapon

Cover sa Wattpad :)

            Matagal ng panahon nang huli akong nakapasyal sa palitada ng Liwasang Bayan. Isang lugar na ganyak ng kariktan ng mga luntiang halaman at makukulay na bulaklak na pinasisigla ng malamig na hanging dumadampi sa aking balat na sadyang sinanay ng ginaw ng ibang bansa. Gayundin, kaysarap namnamin muli ng init na bigay ng sinag ng araw rito na nagdudulot ng karingalan at kataimtiman na nagpapanumbalik sa mga ala-ala ng isang batang naranasan ang tunay na halaga ng huwad na kasiyahan. Isang pook na nagpuno sa aking gunita ng mga panahong ako ay nasa kalagitnaan ng pagkagitla ng mga bagay na aking nais at bagay na nararapat ako ay maging.

            Sa mga oras na ito, nakaupo ako sa isang sementadong hugis bilog na pinagtamnan ng puno ng mangga habang nag-iisip at nagmumuni-muni sa aking nakaraan.

            “Lucas?” nawala ako sa aking ulirat ng marinig ko ang isang pamilyar na boses at ng makita ko ang isang pamilyar na mukha.

            “Mikael?” patanong kong tugon ng makita ko ang dati kong kaibigan kasama ang isang babaeng naging parte ng aking buhay, “Kaytagal na nang huli kitang nakita, ang tikas mo na at mukhang masayang-masaya ka ngayon ah?”

            “Ahahaha! Oo naman masayang masaya ako noh. Ito pala sa Shanaia, asawa ko, yung dati mong classmate.”

            “Oo nga natatandaan ko siya,” sagot ko ng halong may pagkakagulo sa isipan.

            Niyaya ako ni Mikael na sa kanila na maghapunan. Tumungo na lamang ako at ngumiti bilang senyales din ng aking pagsang-ayon.

            Habang kami ay naglalakad patungo sa kanilang tahanan, hindi ko lubos maisip na ang aking matalik na kaibigan at dati kong kasintahang pinagmalaki ko pa kay Mikael ay ngayon ay mag-asawa na. Nakakabalisa, nakakaurat ang isang bagay na sumira sa aking mga ala-alang iniisip pa lamang kanina.

            Sa harap ng hapag kainan ay napagtantuan ko pa ang hindi pa din nagbagong ugali ni Mikael, ang kanyang ugali ng pagiging magiliw sa kaibigan at pagiging makwento, ngunit sa harap ng hapag-kainan alam ko na siya na lamang ang naliligayahan sa mga kaganapang ito sapagkat sa mata ni Shanaia nakikita ko ang pagkailang sa mga oras na ito.

            Bagamat sa kabila ng ilangan na nagaganap sa aming tatlo, ay napag-usapan pa din namin ang aming kabataan ni Mikael, ang mga nangyari sa akin sa ibang bansa, ang mga nangyari sa kaniya habang wala ako, at kung paano sila nagkatuluyan.

            Tumingin ako sa orasang nakakabit sa dingding ng kanilang mumunting tahanan. Alas-otso na nang gabi at kailangan ko na din umuwi. Ako ay nagpaalam na sa kanila kasabay ng pagpaalam sa mga ala-alang kailanman ay hindi ko kinalimutan.

            Nang gabi din na iyon, habang ako ay nakahiga sa aking makitid na kamang naluma nang panahon ay biglang sumagi sa aking isipan ang natatangi kong pag-ibig sa kanya. Ang pag-ibig na kailanman ay hindi naalis sa aking puso sa loob ng lagpas dalawang dekada naming pagkakakilala.

            Sa batid kong iyon, ay bigla kong naramdaman sa aking pisngi ang unti-unting pagdaloy ng mga mumunting mga patak ng tubig na may dalang hinagpis at paghihinayang na sana ay hindi ko na lamang siya iniwan at baka sa huli kami pa ang maging magkasama sa bawat araw na dumaan at dadaan pa.

            Ilang oras na din ang nagdaan ngunit hindi pa din dumadalaw sa aking balintataw ang pagkaantok. Iba’t ibang pagkakasala na ang pumaso sa aking ulirat kung paano ko mababawi ang dapat ay sa akin. Ngunit isa lang ang tunay na kaya kong gawin – ang maging isang kerido muna.

            Hinirang na muli sa kalangitan ang bagong pagsikat ng araw ng ako ay magising sa aking payak na silid-tulugan, bumalot muli sa aking konsensya ang isang balak na dudungis sa aking dangal bilang isang lalaki.

            Agad-agad akong pumaroon sa kanilang tirahan upang hanapin si Mikael dala ang bola upang gawing dahilan ang paglalaro namin ng basketbol. Ngunit sa aking pagdating ang naabutan ko ay ang babaeng naging parte din minsan ng aking pagkatao.

            Nang mga oras din na ito, kami ay magkaharap na ni Shanaia, alam kong lungkot ang kanyang nadadarama, at sa akin ay hinagpis. Pinilit ko siyang kausapin kung mayroon pa ba siyang nararamdaman sa akin ngunit hindi siya sumagot. Bagamat tumingin siya aking mga mata at aking natatanaw ang bakas ng mga bahagyang luha na may kapanglawan gayundin sa kanyang labi na nanginginig at pinipigilan ang paglabas ng bawat singhal. Nahihiya ako sa nais kong gawin ngunit kailangan ko para makamit ko ang kasiyahang artipisyal sa paningin ng karamihan.

            Paunti-unting ang aking mukha ay dumidikit na sa kanyang mukha at ang aming mga labi ay sadyang nagdampi sa isa’t-isa. Muli kong nalalasap ang halik na may minsan ko din natikman, halik na may habas ng pagkakamali.

            Naganap ang hindi dapat mangyari sa aming dalawa, isang umagang nagdulot ng init sa bawat katawan ng isa’t-isa. Nakakalungkot ngunit sa aking isipan ay kailangan ko silang paghiwalayin dalawa kahit ano pa man ang mangyari.

            Ilang araw na din ang lumipas katulad ng mga dahong dahan-dahang nahuhulog mula sa puno na kanilang pinagsilangan, ay dahan-dahan din namin nasasanay ang aming mga sarili sa kalagayang aming dalawa ay pinasok. Ramdam ko na ang aming relasyon ay nanatili pa din lihim sa pagitan namin ni Shanaia.

            Halos lagi akong naririto sa kanilang tahanan at nakaramdam na ako ng pagiging parte ng kanilang payak na pamilya kaparehas nang pag-alis ng aking hiya sa bawat imoralidad na aming ginagawa ni Shanaia sa likod ng matalik kong kaibigan na si Mikael.

            Nang gabing si Mikael ay hindi pa umuuwi buhat sa kanyang trabaho, nakaupo kaming magkaharap sa hapag ng kanilang tahanan at magkausap ng mataimtim tungkol sa kanila ni Mikael.

            “Ayos pa naman kami, mukhang hindi naman siya nakakahalata sa atin,” bigay tugon ni Shanaia ng may bakas nang pagkaawa sa kanyang asawa.

            “Ipagpatuloy lang natin yung dapat ay sa atin.”

            Tumayo ako ng kaunti mula sa aking pagkakaupo sa mesa tsaka yumuko ako patungo sa mga labi ni Shanaia at ako ay nagpaalam na.

            Sa kalagitnaan ng maliliwanag na ilaw ng mga posteng nakatayo at liwanag ng buwan sa ilalim ng kadiliman ng gabi sa may Liwasang Bayan, nakita kong nakaupong umiinom, naninigarilyo at nag-iisa si Mikael, nakatingin sa mga nagdaraanang mga behikulo sa kalsada. Nakaramdam ako ng awa sa kanya, nakaramdam ako ng kahuwadan sa aming matagal na pagkakaibigan.

            Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung may mukha pa din ba akong maihaharap sa kanya. Tatawagin ko ba siya? Ang tanong ko sa aking sarili.

            Hindi naglaon, ang aking mga paa ay hindi na napigilan pang umandar patungo sa kanya, ngunit sa aking paglapit, nakita ko ang mga binurang kasiyahan sa kanyang mukha at pinintahan nang dawis sa kawalan ng pag-iimbot sa kanyang sinisinta. Pumipintig ang aking puso kasabay ng mga hanging iniluluwas sa kanyang bibig, dama ko ang mga luhang nagmamarka nang asul na kulay sa damdamin ng mga taong nakakaalam.

            Nakatayo ako sa kanyang gilid na nakatingin sa kanya, nais kong hawakan ang kanyang balikat at tawagin ang kanyang pangalan ngunit ako ay napigilan nang bigla siyang nagsalita.

             “Bakit ganito?” tumingin siya sa akin ng buong katapangang ipakita ang kanyang kahinaan “Bakit ako naiinggit sa iyo?”

            Hindi ako nakasagot, bagkus ay bumagsak na lamang ang luha sa aking mga mata. Luha ng simpatya, pagpapahalaga at pagmamahal. Pinilit kong sagutin ang kanyang tanong ng buong katapatan pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko aaminin sa kanya.

            “Wag ka ng sumagot,” sabay pawi sa kanyang luha ng muli niyang ibalik ang tingin sa dagat ng sasakyang humaharurot at paglagok sa likido ng alkohol.

            Lumapit ako sa kanya ng walang pasabi at tumabi sa kanyang inuupuan, biglang inagaw ko ang kanyang boteng hawak at uminom ng kaunti. Sandaling katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin, habang inuubos ang isang litro ng alak na salitan naming pinaghahatian.

            Nagbago na ang dako ng buwan at mga bituin sa langit ng napagdesisyunan na naming maghiwalay ng landas, nauna siyang tumayo at nag-unat ng mga braso senyales na siya ay handa ng umalis sa lugar na aming tambayan.

            Nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa mukha ko sabay nagpakita ng ngiti ng pasasalamat sa lunsuran ng kalungkutan. Hinawakan niya ang aking pisngi sabay pawi sa mga luha na aking inialay para sa aming pagkakaibigan at tuluyan na niya akong iniwang nag-iisa at nababagabag sa banketa.

             Sa kabila ng kabaitang pinapakita sa akin ni Mikael, ay hindi pa rin nito na pigilan ang aking balak na pagpapahiwalay sa kanilang dalawa. Sa paglipas nang mga linggo ng aking mas higit na pagsimbuyo sa kanilang paghihiwalay ay utay-utay na ngang nagkakaroon ng tiyansa ng paghihiwalay.

            Lumapit ako kay Shanaia at aming pinaghatian ang init ng kanyang damdamin, dumapyo ang aking labi sa kanyang labi hanggang magpang-abot ako sa kanyang leeg. Dahan-dahan kaming humihiga patungo sa kama sa loob ng silid-tulugan nilang mag-asawa. Nagtanggal ang bawat isa ng kasuotan at nagpatuloy na kami sa paglalaro sa alab ng kanyang kapusukan.

            Tumutulo ang pawis sa aking likuran at rumaragasa din ang mga pawis sa aking noo patungo sa aking mukha at leeg kasabay ng pagkawala ng mga tunog ng mga pag-ungol naming dalawa at paggayod ng kama sa kahoy na sahig maging sa sementadong pader ng kwarto.

            Walang pakialam ang bawat isa sa amin kahit ano pa man ang maganap sa oras na kami ay pag-abutan ni Mikael, o kaya kung siya man ay magdalang-tao. Basta ang alam ko, ako ay masaya kung mapapasa-akin ang hinahangad ko.

             Natapos na ang aming ginawang kamaliang nagsukli nang panandaliang kaligayahan. Tumayo ako habang pinupunasan ang pawisan kong katawan at nagsuot na ng aking kasuotang pang-ibaba.

            “Hindi na ako nakikipagtalik sa kanya,” pagmamalaking tinuran ni Shanaia habang nakaupo sa katre at nababalutan ng kumot ang kanyang buong katawan, “halos apat na buwan na.”

            “Talaga?” paninigurado ko habang isinusuot ko ang aking damit pang-itaas, “Edi masaya.”

            Sa ilalim ng munting kahel na bumbilya na nagbibigay nang mataimtim na liwanag sa madilim na silid ay muli ko siyang nilapitan at hinalikan ng labas sa katotohan at sa gayon ako ay lumisan na dala ang malaking kasiguraduhan ng kanilang pagdidiborsyo.

            Bakas sa bawat yapak ng aking paa sa mga latag ng aspalto patungo sa tawiran ang mga mapanlinlang na anino ng aking ngiti na nagbibigay panibugho sa aking kinakalantari. Umilaw na ang luntiang ilaw sa poste ng tamang bagtas na tila sumisigaw ng pagsulong sa mga ginagawa kong kasiraan.

            Napagtantuan ko na ang bawat tao na naglalakad at tumitigil sa tabi ko, gayundin ang mga sasakyang patungong kanan at kaliwa ay dahan-dahang tumitigil na parang segundong hindi lumilipas ay dulot ng kanyang mga tingin mula sa kabilang parang ng daanan. Mga tingin na walang depenisyon ngunit mga titig na may nais ipahiwatg sa akin.

            Sa pagbukas nang pulang tinghoy sa may dakong kanan sa itaas, hakbang-hakbang ang paggalaw ng mga biyas ni Mikael patungo sa aking kinatatayuan. Hindi ko alam kung paano o maiyayapak ang aking mga paa sa landas patungo sa bahay, kung ang taong aking winawasak ay siyang nasa aking harapan na.

            “Uwi ka na? laro muna tayo ng basketbol?” pagyaya ni Mikael sa akin.

            Pagdampi ng mga paa ko sa basketbolan ay biglang bumukas ang mga ilaw na tatanglaw sa kadilimang sumasakop sa aking pagtingin. Nalilito pa din ako at nakukonsensyang ipakita ang aking pagmumukha sa kanya. Habang ang aking gunita ay nananatili sa kabanaagan katulad ng aking katawan na hindi makakilos.

            Ako ay napaharap sa taong tumawag sa aking pangalan – si Mikael, papalapit na tinatanggal ang kanyang kamiseta at niyaya na niya akong maglaro ng basketbol.

            Wala ni isa sa amin ang nais na magpatalo sa aming laro, kanya-kanyang agaw ng bola sa bawat isang mga kamay, mga padyak ng paa ang ginagawa sa isa’t-isa at tsaka sari-sariling hagis ng bola upang makamit ang simpleng puntos na aming ikawawagi. Naubos na ang hangin na aking hinihinga at pawis na aking inilalabas ngunit siya ay patuloy pa din na lumalaban.

            Napahiga na lamang ako sa gitna ng pulang tintang guhit na bilog sa sahig ng palaruan at nananatiling nakatingin sa kanyang huling pagtudla sa bola, napangiti na lamang ako at tinanggap ang pagkatalo dulot na walang kupas niyang husay sa paglalaro.

            Tumingala ako sa langit at tinignan ang mga talang kumikinang nang bigla niyang tinabi ang hubad niyang katawan sa akin, “Nakakatuwa ‘di ba?”

            “Oo, matagal na din nung huli tayo naglaro. Nakakamiss ka pala talaga.”

            Sandaling katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa, tanging tunog ng hangin na umiihip at mga sipol ng mga insekto lamang ang nangingibabaw sa aming dalawa. Walang nais sundan ang huli kong linya, walang nais sumira sa kapayapaang hatid ng katahimikan.

            Sa paglipas nang ilang sandali ay narinig ko ang mailang-ilang tunog na nagpaparinig ng kalungkutan at pagdurusa.

             “Bakit ka ba bumalik?” tanong niya.

            Isang tanong na alam ng aking isipan ang kasagutan ngunit hindi batid ng aking bibig kung paano nararapat itong bigyang pagtugon. Tumitig na lamang ako ng may maliit na agwa ng kirot at dalamhati sa kanyang mukhang nakatingala sa buwan na natatakpan ng mga ulap katulad ng pagkakaibigang natakpan na ng mga kulay na kailanman ay hindi ko maipipinta.

            Sabay sa ritmo ng kuliglig ang bawat kumpas ng tibok ng aking puso sa kaba higit pa lalo ng biglang dumako ang maamong niyang mukha paharap sa akin. Nagkasalubong ang aming mga mata na maski isa ay walang nagnais umalis sa sandaling kumprontasyong ito.

            “Alam kong hindi siya ang habol mo sa iyong muling pagdating,” daing niya kontra sa lamikmik ng kalikasan, “huwag mo na siyang idamay, mahal ko ang asawa ko yun lang ang masasabi ko.”

            Lalong nag-ingay ang kimbot ng aking damdamin sa aking mga narinig mula sa kanya, nalaglag ang aking panga sa pagkabigla sa kanyang mga binitawang salita na gumiba sa aking nararamdaman.

            Tumayo na siya mula sa kanyang pakakahiga at dinampot ang kamiseta saka sinabit sa kanyang balikat at tuluyan ng tumalikod papalayo sa aking kinalalagyan. Iniwan niya akong balisa at hindi makapagsalita dahil sa tuluyang pagkasira ng aking mga hangarin sa buhay.

            Nanatili pa din akong nakahiga nang tuluyan ng namatay ang mga ilaw na sumisinag sa aking mga mata kamakailan lamang ngunit nanatili pa din buo at puro sa aking balintataw ang mukha niyang pinuno ng mga hinagpis at sakit dulot ng karimlang bumalot sa puso niyang tanaw hanggang sa kalooban ng kanyang mga salita.

            Nakatayo ako sa ibaba ng rumaragasang agwa mula sa dutsa at aking namamalayan ang aking buhay na parang tubig na dumadaloy sa aking katawan patungo sa kasilyas na walang patutunguhan kung hindi ang karungisan katulad ng kanyang mga kahalitulad.

            Tumingin ako bigla sa salamin habang nakatungkod ang aking mga kamay sa lababo ng aking palikuran at nakita ko ang isang lalaking may palatandaan ng pagiging baligho. Isang lalaking nakikipagbakbakan sa isang huwad na pagmamahal na dulot ng desperasyon at pagkamakasarili.

            Tunay ngang tumatak sa aking isipan ang mga binitawang salita ni Mikael, mga salitang hindi ko dapat idamay ang taong wala namang kasalanan. Nababalisa ako at kinakabahan sa kung ano man ang maaring mangyari. Naawa ako sa kanya, pero paano na lang ako?

            Biglang lumabas ang aking luha kasabay ng aking pagbukas sa gripo ng hugasan, hindi ko kinaya ang mga konsensyang bumabalot sa aking isipan ngayon kaya ako ay bigla na lamang bumagsak at tuluyan na lamang humagulgol sa pag-iyak kagaya ng nasasayang na tubig mula sa gripong patuloy na tumutulo.

            Ilang araw din akong hindi nagpakita sa mag-asawa ngunit alam kong hindi pa din nila nakakaligtaan ang mga mga ginagawa ko sa bawat isa sa kanila. Nakakulong lang ako dito sa aking silid at umiiyak pa din at nababagabag kung dapat ko pa din pang ipagpatuloy ang pagwasak sa kanilang simpleng pagmamahalan.

            Sa katahimikan ng aking pagsasarili, ay naririnig ko ang mga yapak ng paa na patungo sa aking silid ngunit wala akong pakialam. Bumukas ang pintuan at nagulat ako sa taong dumating, si Shanaia.

            Sabay sa tunog ng makina ng aking bintilador, biglang niyang binungad sa akin ang mga salitang, “Buntis ako, Lucas. Anong gagawin natin?”

            Nasira ang buo kong diwa kakabit ng mabagal na pagbagsak ng bote ng alak sa sahig ng aking silid, hindi na ako nagsalita. Umiyak na lamang ako sa kanyang harapan at nagsisi.

            “Huwag mo akong iyakan, Lucas,” nanginig na paghihinging tugon sa akin ni Shanaia, “hindi pwedeng malaman ito ni Mikael, kasi baog siya. Baog siya Lucas, naiinitindihan mo ba ‘yun?”

            “Wala akong pakialam, patawarin mo ko kung nasira ko ang relasyon niyo,” sambit ko habang buong dusa akong nakatingin sa kanya, “napakasama ng ugali kong gamitin ka para sa pansarili kong kapakanan na kung tutusin hindi ka naman kasali talaga.”

            Makikita sa kanyang mukha ang kulay ng pagkabigla. Parehas na lamang kaming umiyak at nagdusa sa aking tirahan. Magkalayo man ang agwat naming dalawa sa loob ng aking silid ngunit walang kahit anong pagitan ang pagkakasalang buhat sa aking pag-iimbot.

            Umabot na sa dapit-hapon nang wala ni isa man sa amin ang nakaisip ng paraan kung paano lulusutan ang aming ginawang pagkakasala. Hinatid ko na siya sa labas ng aking bahay ngunit nabigla na lamang kami ng makita ko si Mikael na nakatayo sa tapat ng tarangkahan.

            Wala ni isa ang sumubok magbukas ng bibig at magsalita ng kahit ano. Napuno na lamang ng katahimikan ang buong paligid sa isang sandali ng aming pagtititigan ni Mikael, katahimikang nakakabingi, katahimikang walang halong kahulugan sa kahit sino pa man sa amin. Lumipas na ang mga madaming segundo ng walang pagbabago sa nakalipas na saglit ng dalisay na titigan. Napakasit. Napakahapdi. Mga tinging may bahid ng galit at pighati na sumusugat sa aking puso at kaluluwa.

            Nauna akong umiwas ng tingin na marahil senyales ng paghingi ng kapatawaran sa taong napakahalaga sa akin na higit pa sa aking sariling buhay. Tuluyan pang muli lumabas ng mga natitira ko pang luha kasabay ng paglabas ni Shanaia sa tarangkahan at ni Mikael sa aking buhay.

            Muli akong nagkulong sa aking kwarto hanggang umabot ang dako ng buwan sa kanyang tunay na trono sa kalangitan. Mag-isa akong nagdurusa, mag-isa akong nasasaktan.

            Ngayong gabi sa gitna ng malamig na buga ng bintilador at wagayway ng kurtinang dilaw, namamataan ko ang Liwasang Bayang nagpasimula sa mga motibasyon ko upang mabuhay ngunit mga gunitang nagpasimula sa bagay na maghahatid sa aking katapusan.

            Saksi ang buwan at mga talang nakadungaw sa bintana ng kalangitan sa mga ginawa ko upang mapasa-akin ang taong kailanman ay hinangad ko buong buhay dalawang dekada na ang nakakaraan. Mga bagay na tetestigo sa walang hanggang pagsisinta ko sa kanya hanggang sa aking huling hininga, ngunit sila din ang naging patunay sa katotohanang kailanman ay hindi siya mapapasaakin.

            Binuksan ko ang isang aparador sa gilid ng aking kama at kinuha ang isang bagay na tatapos sa lahat ng aking pagdurusa. Sapagkat alam ko na ilang saglit mula ngayon ay darating na ang taong huhusga sa aking pagkakasala. Siyang nilalang na kakanta ng mga ritmo ng awiting nilikha para sa mga taong makasalanan.

            Maliliit na tunog ng yapak ang bumabakas sa aking mga tainga at maitim na aninong sumasagi sa durungawan ng aking silid patungo sa hagdanan ng aming tirahan, ramdam ko na ang presensya ng benggansa mula sa kanya.

            Naisin ko mang makita sa huling pagkakataon ang kanyang mukha ngunit hindi ko maaaring hayaang siya ang magbigay nang huling hatol sa aming dalawa. Kailanma’y hindi ako papayag na dungisan niya ang kanyang sariling budhi ng tintura ng taong nagkasala dahil lamang sa makasariling pagmamahal. Sa huling sandali, naririnig ko ang pagbukas ng kandado ng aking pintuan. 

            Nakapikit akong ginugunita ang mga huling sandaling madadama ko ang hangin na nagbigay sa akin ng taimtim na pakiramdam at simula ngayon ay hindi ko na ididilat pa ang mga ito.

            “Mahal kita,” bigkas ko sa malimit na tinig na kaya ko, “isa, dalawa, tatlo.”